


lovely little lonely

by koganewest



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), but nice ending i promise, i self project onto keith, its really sad tbh, lance ends up happy and so does keith i promise but its rough along the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:16:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15140957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganewest/pseuds/koganewest
Summary: seven times keith loses and one time he doesn’t.





	lovely little lonely

Keith is 1 when he loses his mother.

He doesn’t remember anything about her, save for the few things his father has mentioned. He used to tell Keith she was the reason he was adventurous, the reason he was untamable, the reason he was passionate.

Other than that, his father didn’t talk about her. He didn’t acknowledge why she left or where she was, so Keith assumed that she found herself unfit for motherhood. In hindsight, maybe if his father had spoken more openly about her, he wouldn’t have such trust issues.

Instead, he grows up thinking that she didn’t love him. That he wasn’t good enough. That he didn’t deserve her love.

Everyone else in school had a mother. How come he didn’t deserve one?  
__

Keith is 5 when he loses his hippo.

He screams and cries for about a week straight. His memory of this is choppy, but the thing that stick out most to him was how his father handled it. Keith’s dad was an understanding man - calm and collected in the worst situations.

But when Keith loses Hippo, his dad loses his patience. Keith’s hysteria just seems to exhaust him; and still, he offers gentle comfort as Keith buries himself in his arms, wishing for the purple plushie.

He loves his father more than anything and wouldn’t want to do anything to make his life harder. His dad is the most important person in his life.  
__

Keith is 9 when he loses his dad.

It’s the worst day of his life. Keith remembers blazing embers and burning lungs as he screams his throat raw. It doesn’t change the fact that his father doesn’t make it out. Keith has nightmares for weeks of his father suffocating in black smoke and glowing wood, while he remains unscathed, but unable to help.

The funeral is even more depressing, because it isn’t what his father would’ve wanted. It’s gloomy and sad, with only a few people there that Keith fails to recognize. And one person who later introduces herself to Keith. A social worker.

He sits at his father’s grave hours after everyone leaves. Remaining curled up by the cold stone, he just cries and cries and cries. The stone is damp and freezing against his back.

It’s nothing like his father’s arms.  
__

Keith is 11 when he loses his self-respect.

The group home he’s staying in is mostly filled with little kids. Keith has watched countless children come and go, getting adopted or transferred into foster homes, and wants nothing more than to leave. The couple in charge doesn’t care about any of the kids, but Keith feels like he’s neglected more than the others because of his age.

They know he isn’t going anywhere. They know that no one wants someone his age. They know no one wants the baggage he has. And so he acts out, lashes out, but it’s all just a cry for help.

He’s just so tired of being left behind.

Eventually he gives up fighting back. He loses all the will to defend himself from countless insults and just accepts each stinging word as fact.

He decides that it must be true. That he’s a waste of space. That he isn’t worth their time or their resources. That he doesn’t deserve a family. That he doesn’t deserve to live.

He wishes he was never born.  
__

Keith is 15 when he loses his virginity.

He’s been attending the Garrison for a few years and figured out he was gay a few months prior. He had some trouble coming to terms with it, but once he had, he’d been pretty content with himself.

His grades aren’t great, though. Shiro suggests he gets a tutor, recommending a boy two grades above Keith who excels in pretty much every area. He gets his dorm number and shows up with a physics textbook.

The moment he sees Jay, he’s absolutely smitten. He’s the most gorgeous boy Keith has ever seen, with big beautiful eyes and a smile as bright as the sun. Not to mention his body is smoothly sculpted with muscle. His broad shoulders and sharp jaw are endlessly captivating for Keith.

And the best part? He seems into Keith as well.

It’s almost impossible for Keith to wrap his head around, since he pales in comparison to Jay, in pretty much every way imaginable. But it’s hard not to notice how Jay sits extremely close to him, how his touches linger, how he stares when he thinks Keith isn’t paying attention.

And then one day, when Keith is trying to figure out which equations to use when determining elapsed time of a free-falling projectile, Jay kisses him, slow and sweet. When Keith doesn’t immediately respond, probably due to the pure shock of it, he pulls away and looks hurt. Keith chases the look with a gentle smile before leaning in.

Before he knows it, they’re having sex.

Jay is gentle and sweet with him, constantly making sure he isn’t in pain. Still, Keith has tears in his eyes when they’re done. And then, he fucks it all up.

He tells Jay he loves him.

In Keith’s defense, he doesn’t really know what he feels for Jay isn’t love. It’s rash and stupid, but that doesn’t justify how Jay handles it. He throws Keith out into the hallway, barely clothed, with tears filling his eyes. He screams, accuses Keith of tricking him into it, calls him terrible names, tells him never to come back.

So Keith limps away, feet taking him to Shiro’s before he even can stop himself.

When Shiro answers the door, smiling and poised to ask how tutoring went, his expression drops when he sees Keith’s state. Neither boy says anything. Shiro just opens his arms, allowing Keith to collapse into him.

Shiro never does ask what happened, but Keith assumes he already guessed.  
__

Keith is 17 when he loses Shiro.

It’d been bad enough, sending him off on the Kerberos mission. He was offended initially when Shiro chose to leave him, but then realized how selfish he was being. Shiro didn’t owe him anything, but Keith owed him his life He owed him the opportunity to do this without guilt. So when Shiro leaves, Keith smiles and is encouraging, hugs him and makes him promise he’ll come back.

There’d always been a slight fear in the back of his head that Shiro wouldn’t return, but when that daunting idea becomes reality, Keith doesn’t know how to function.

The commander in charge makes an announcement over the intercoms, calling Keith to his office. The whole class lets out a call in mockery, so Keith just assumes he’s in trouble again.

When he’s let in to the office, the whole room looks somber. He sits when instructed, and his heart drops when Commander Jameson sighs. “Mr. Kogane, we have some information about the Kerberos mission.”

And that’s when he gets the news.

He doesn’t let himself show emotion, just sets his jaw, tries to control the way his eyes fill with tears, and demands to see proof. Shiro isn’t dead, he can’t be, especially when they don’t have any justification. He spends two weeks in denial.

He denies it when the news reaches campus. He denies it when he attends the memorial service. He denies it when students ask him how he’s coping with the loss. How he’s feeling when his mentor is dead. How he’s managing the idea of being alone forever.

The last straw is a comment from Iverson. He attacks him like the vicious animal Iverson always thought he was. But he doesn’t care. Not even when he’s kicked out. The pain is too encompassing, too visceral, for Keith to ignore.

He deserves to be upset. He misses Shiro. He lost the only person who never gave up on him.  
__

Keith is 18 when he loses his team.

When Lance comes to him about being a self-proclaimed 7th wheel, he makes his decision. He tells himself that it has nothing to do with what he feels for his teammate, because he most certainly is not crushing on him. He decides to leave for the good of everyone. They don’t need him anymore. Shiro belongs in Black, and Lance deserves Red. He would never even think of taking either of their spots.

He’s run his course. Now, he’s expendable.

When he leaves for the Blades, he expects everyone to be better off without him, that they all will benefit from his absence. And he isn’t wrong, but it takes more of a toll on him than they expected.

He didn’t expect how different things would be in comparison to Voltron. He knew they weren’t exactly a sentimental group, but he feels so worthless with them. They don’t seem to care about each other, or even themselves.

But he convinces himself that this is the right choice. He doesn’t belong with Voltron. He doesn’t deserve them.  
__

Keith is 20 when he begins to open up to people. When stops running from conflict. When he accepts his own self-worth. When he lets himself be loved. When he falls in love.

Keith is 20 when Lance says he will never abandon him.

Keith believes it more than he’s ever believed anything.

**Author's Note:**

> heya! this is a part of Bad Things Happen Bingo! prompt: neglect/abandonment.  
> come say hi on [tumblr!](https://koganewest.tumblr.com/)  
> -lily


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